I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
