He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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