I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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