I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this boner is exhausting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
