I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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