In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
