new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
