woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
