hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A+ Viking dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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