don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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