I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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