Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I die, sorry about rent.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
