omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
