Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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