yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
