I heard we made out
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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