There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
