I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
