what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
