God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
