I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
