So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
