You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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