my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This baby is an asshole
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
