you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
