Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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