Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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