it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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