goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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