i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
