im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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