***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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