I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
