Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize