took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just google imaged poop.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
