I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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