I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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