HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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