you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
