My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
