i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
