my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
