you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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