pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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