she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
