yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
