JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
