The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
