When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize