The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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