I think I died a long time ago.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
