So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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