my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm really busy with my period
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