got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
