mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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