You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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