All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
