two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
