end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
