man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
