based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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