i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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