..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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