I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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