I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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